Washington – President Trump announces he is putting all his eggs in one basket to lift coronavirus-related restrictions by Easter.
During a White House press briefing on Tuesday night, Trump said that he hoped to see people back at work by April 12.
“I just thought it was a beautiful time … a beautiful timeline. It’s a beautiful day,” The President stated to the Press.
He revealed his intention is to have “churches full of people.”
This appears to be an optimistic vision of what the future holds for America.
A turning point for America?
For some critics, this response has revealed a softer, more delicate side to Trump and his cabinet.
Furthermore, commentators on both sides of the political spectrum speculate that this could be the beginning of a return to utopian living for modern America.
Already, stock markets are surging and millions of Americans are picking out their ‘Sunday best’ for April 12th.
If this Trump sponsored Easter Sunday goes ahead, it will be seen as the greatest, most beautiful Easter celebration since old JC removed the stone all those years ago!
Think Woodstock rebooted for 2020, where the hippies are executives and the endless bags of weed are briefcases full of cash. Replace the psychedelic guitar solo of Jimmy Hendrix. In its place, Taylor Swift farting out a 5 minute rendition of the star spangled banner.
Its really is something isn’t, America is really Great again. Greater than ever before, possibly the greatest America we will ever see.
However, considering the advice from experts, this rose-tinted view of the situation should come with a warning label and a face mask. Not to protect from CVOID-19, but to protect from the strong smell of shit. Because in reality, that’s what this is. A hot pile of shit served up by the Commander-in-chief.
A full shutdown of the United States is inevitable.
The number of cases of the virus is rising at a rate faster than Italy. The number of fatalities is following that trend, as is the mortality rate. The impact this is having on the economy is harrowing.
No amount of helicopter money from the government will stop the damage set for the economy. Losses for businesses, mass unemployment and the crash for Trump’s most beloved economic health indicator – the stock market.
Still though, its nice to get into Trump’s beautiful mind and dream….